I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
