What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
