is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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