u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
