Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
