I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
