I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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