I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
