I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
