I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
