You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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