whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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