I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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