That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
