the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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