I wanna bring you to show and tell
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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