I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
