I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize