just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
