One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
