I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
