i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
