ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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