Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
