Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
