Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
