If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
