so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize