actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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