why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
