Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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