Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
