WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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