Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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