come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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