At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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