I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
