So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
