I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
