yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
