there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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