I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
