Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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