capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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