My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
