anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
