Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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