First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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