So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
