On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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