Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
