You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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