There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
