This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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