Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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