I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
