I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
