If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You can't just leave with hair like that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
