If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
