So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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