Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
