Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
