he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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