I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
